Just Discovered! The Gospel of Symbols

by Lawrence Fox

"Oh, if only the Bible said what I think it should!" (21st Wisecracker saying of Susan Fox)

"Only a man who knows the Gospels inside and out can make a parody of the false interpretation," (34th Wisecracker saying of Susan Fox)

Author Theo-Symbolicus

These are  the hidden words that the Savior spoke while appearing among his apostles and companions, which I, Theo-Symbolicus, collected and wrote down so that you may have fellowship with us and know that the Kingdom of God is found within appearance and symbol.

“Now since it has been said that you are my apostles and true companions, examine yourself and understand the appearance of things. You who have ears must not listen and you with eyes must not see. In this way you will reform your senses and recognize that substance is symbol and existence is a reform against the physical."  

On the third day of their journey, the Savior and his apostles and companions attended a wedding. Mary came to Savior and said, “They have no more wine and not yet drunk?” Savior responded, “Woman, how does this concern me and you, my hour has not arrived?” Mary said to the servants, “Do not listen if he speaks in hyperbole.” 

So the Savior hearing their thoughts, plainly commanded the servants to fill six stone jars with water to the rim. He then plainly commanded them to draw some out from the jars and give it to the master of ceremony. They did so and the master tasted the water now turned into grape juice. The master then said to the bridegroom, “People normally

serve the best wine first and when the people have had their fill, the less quality wine but you have reserved the most wonderful grape juice till now.” This was the first of the Savior’s appearances. And that is why his apostles and companions celebrate his memory using bread and grape juice.

The Savior spoke to Nicodemus, “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he born from above with water symbolically and spirit literally.” Nicodemus responded, “How can a man be born from above? All things above are invisible and hidden and therefore their substance is symbolic in nature. To reach this new life with us, you who have ears must not listen and

"Plug your nose, George, there's incense."
"What? I can't hear you."

you with eyes must not see and you with lips must not taste and you with nose must no longer use incense. In this way you will reform your senses and recognize that substance is symbol and existence is a reform against the physical. Until all substance is gone you cannot worship the Father in Spirit and Truth.”

The Savior said to his apostles and companions, “Who do you say that I am?”

Thomas said, “Savior, my mouth is wholly incapable of saying whom you are like?"

Matthew said, “You are like a wise philosopher.”

Simon, son of John said, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.”

The Savior responded, “Flesh and blood has not revealed this to you. You are intoxicated with wine. Therefore I shall name you ‘the insignificant stone (Peter)’ and upon you this pebble will rise up an appearance of my church which the gates of hell with never overcome. To you pebble, I will give symbolic keys. What you appear to open will be opened and what you appear to close will be closed.”

The other apostles worried about the meaning of the Savior's words. The Savior then said to Thomas, “This heaven will pass away and the one above it will pass away. The dead are not

Fake keys, not real ones 

alive and the living will not die. Remain with Peter and your unity will remain invisible to others. No one will know where you, my apostles, have planted your feet or established my words. In this way, Satan will not know whom to attack.”

The Savior said to his apostles and companions, “If you fast you will give rise to sin for yourselves. And if you pray without ceasing you will be condemned. Those who remain celibate for the Kingdom, will be lost. For your works possess no substance. And that which does not exist in this life will certainly have no value before my Father in the next life?"

While moving through the towns a woman rejoiced, “Blessed is the womb who gave you flesh and the breast that nourished you?” The Savior responded, “All bodies of men are like beasts and begotten irrationally. My mother

"Ma, is that Jesus' Daddy?"
"No son. That is a demiurge.
Jesus' Daddy is God the Father."

conspired with demiurges and conceived me in death. But it is the Pleroma my Father in the Heaven above all Heavens who gives me life.”

The Savior said to the Jews, “I am the appearance of a door to heaven. Those who wish to reach the Father must reject nature.”

The Savior said to the Jews, “I am the appearance of bread from heaven. I am the bread which came down from heaven. I speak to you in hyperbole, unless you eat an appearance of the flesh of the son of man and drink an appearance of his blood, you have no life within you.”

The Savior said to the Jews, “For the symbol of my flesh is real food and the symbol of my blood is real drink. By participating in symbols you will abide in me and I will abide in you and raise you up on the last day.”

Many of his disciples said, “These are hard sayings. How can a person be saved by eating the symbol of flesh and drinking the symbol of blood?” Many of his disciples left him that day since they understood worship as consisting of both visible and invisible?

The Savior turned and said to his remaining apostles, “Do want to leave also.” Peter (little pebble) responded, “To whom shall we go? You speak the words of eternal appearance. We believe you are the Holy One. We know you always speak in hyperbole and symbol.”

On the night before the Savior was to receive the death due to his mother conspiring with the demiurges, he celebrated the Passover with his apostles and companions. The Savior prayed, “Father, I pray that they may appear to be one and you and I appear to be in likeness. In this way, the world will know that you sent me when they discover the oneness is an appearance of truth.”

After praying, the Savior then took the loaf, blessed it, broke it, and distributed it to them saying, “Take and eat. This is a symbol of my body which shall be broken for many. Do this act as a symbolic memory of me.” In the

Jesus pouring the Welch's Grape Juice for
Symbolic Last Supper 

same way, he took the cup filled with grape juice and said, “This is the symbolic cup of my blood. Take and drink as a symbolic memory of me.”

The Savior after His Resurrection entered the room in which his apostles and companions were hiding for fear of the Jews. The Savior breathed upon his apostles and said, “I am sending the Holy Spirit upon you so that you deal with sins symbolically. Those sins you forgive are symbolically forgiven so that the faith of your disciples remains rooted in which is appearance and separated from substance. Those sins you hold bound are symbolically bound so that the sins of your disciples remain united to substance.”

The Savior then met with his apostles and companions one last time. He said, “Go and make disciples of all nations, immersing them symbolically into my death and resurrection with all the authority of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Paul writing to the Church in Corinth said, “Is not our participating in bread symbolic of our participation in the body of Christ? “Is not our participating in the cup also symbolic of our participation in the body of Christ? For whoever eats and drink this symbolic meal as if it is literal is eating and drinking condemnation to themselves. That is why some of you are sick and dead because you considered the Lord’s Supper as something Sacred and Literally Real instead of being symbolic and only bread and only grape juice."

These are the hidden words that the Savior spoke while appearing among his apostles and companions, which I,Theo-Symbolicus, collected and wrote down so that you may have fellowship with us and know that the Kingdom of God is found within appearance and symbol. To reach this new life with us, you who have ears must not listen and you with eyes must not see and you with lips must not taste and you with nose must no longer use incense. In this way you will reform your senses and recognize that substance is symbol and existence is a reform against the physical. Until all substance is gone you cannot worship the Father in Spirit and Truth.”

Did you enjoy this piece? Here is the serious version of this post: Who Were the Nicolaitans? A Mystery Decoded

Other Satires by Lawrence Fox:

U.S. President Creates Bureau of Vital Fetal Organs

Denver Night Trolling 

A Fairy Tale of Categorical Proportions

For the Obama Lady: New Product from Smoke and Mirrors!

The LGBT Agenda: Why We Care When Others are Doing "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT!"

And the Great Classic: Adam Was a White Man from Baltimore 

Anglos Living the Life of the Migrant

 by Lawrence Fox

Navigating the motorway in search of nuevo fascination. 

Leaving the hullabaloo of urban home and occupation.

Traversing the motorway in search of mojo destination.

Tweaking the radio and pegging out the agitation.

A quien le importa as the wireless blares.

The road rises like a sparkling flare.

Leaving the hubbub of urban home and occupation.

Coxing the coche with rápido intention.

View and vistas garnishing poco attention.

Snooping stations is nuestros present captivation.

Hasta la vista to our urban home and occupation.

Traversing the motorway in search of nuevo restoration. 

How Desperate Are We for God?

Sermon by Rev. John Paul Shea

13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 28, 2015

Saints Peter and Paul Parish, Tucson, AZ

How desperate are we for God? 

In today’s Gospel passage (Mark 5:21-43),we hear of a series of healings by Our Lord.

We first hear of a man named Jairus who approaches Jesus and begs Him to heal his daughter who is dying. He falls at the feet of Jesus and cries out, “My daughter is at the point of death. Please, come lay your hands on her that she may get well and live.” As Jesus goes to heal the girl, we then hear of a woman who is suffering from hemorrhages. She had suffered for a long time, and the doctors could not help her. She had spent all her money! She heard about Jesus and desperately went to Him for healing!

My brothers and sisters, in each incident in today’s Gospel the persons were desperate

Fr. John Paul Shea

for the healing power of Jesus. They were desperate for the intervention of the Lord in their life situation, and they begged the Lord for help.

It is when we also turn to the Lord in our need for Him that He acts in our lives. But, Our Lord does not want us to wait until we are facing a life crisis before we come to Him. He wants us to be desperate for Him now. He wants us to live our lives for Him.

When we live for Christ we are given grace to help us prepare for future struggles… Each one of us will face struggles in life. Many of us have faced major struggles already. Wherever we are at in our lives at this time, today’s Gospel calls us to turn to the Lord and beg for His help and mercy!

So many people today live their lives in misery because they do not turn to the Lord. So many today wander around each day with no hope. We harm ourselves. We misuse our bodies and our sexuality… Some get hooked on drugs… Others get taken up with other wrong behaviors. It is often not until we hit rock bottom in our destructive behaviors that we realize our need for God. But it is when we acknowledge our need for Him and beg for His help that He comes to our aid.

We are reminded in today’s Gospel that we need to come to our Lord in faith. We must trust that He will provide for our needs. When the woman in today’s Gospel approaches Jesus and falls down before Him He says, “Daughter, your faith has saved you.”

If we want the Lord to work in our lives, we must come to Him in faith.

So let us ask ourselves, “Where is our faith today?” Do we trust in our Lord? Do we submit ourselves to His will in our lives even though we do not see Him face to face?

The woman in today’s Gospel simply wanted to touch the cloak of Jesus. She said, “If I but touch his clothes, I shall be cured.” My brothers and sisters, as Catholics we don’t simply

touch a piece of our Lord’s clothing. We receive Him into our very bodies through the Eucharist! Do we come to the Eucharist with passion and devotion in our hearts knowing Who it is we are receiving? Do we strive to receive our Lord worthily in the Eucharist by following the teachings of Our Lord’s Church?

We live in a world today that is filled with lax Catholics. Only 36 percent of Catholics here in the United States attend Mass regularly, and many Catholics who attend church still do not follow Church teachings… Ireland, which is supposed to be a Catholic nation, has just voted for same sex marriage. A nation of Catholics has voted for a law that is against God’s laws.

Now, since two days ago, we have same sex marriage here in the United States as law of the land. Now that same sex marriage is part of the United States Constitution, this decision of our courts will test the faith of every Catholic at some point in the not distant future because the devil wants to destroy marriage. As Pope Francis taught while serving as Archbishop in Argentina: "Same-sex marriage is not simply a political struggle, but it is an attempt to destroy God’s plan. It is a move of the ‘father of lies’ who seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God."

My brothers and sisters, today’s Gospel calls us to be on fire for our faith! Our Lord wants us to be desperate for Him. He wants us to be passionate for His truth!

We are living in a critical times right now… both in our Church and in our world. For the devil is in full force striving to deceive souls! God does not want lax Catholics. In fact, in the Book of Revelation our Lord says that we must be either hot or cold in our faith. But if we are lukewarm He will spit us out His mouth (Rev. 3:16).

As Catholics we have a choice to live our lives for Christ through His Church and His teachings or to live for the world which is passing away.

As you know Pope Francis just came out with an encyclical on the environment where he reminds us of the desperate need to take care of the earth because the earth itself is “crying out” for justice. Yes, God wants us to take care of the earth. But what is most important is the salvation of souls.

Ultimately, this earth is being renewed both spiritually and physically. This world of sin is passing away, and God will make a new earth for those who are found worthy. This is why Our Lord Jesus has come into our world. He has come to save us from a world that is perishing. This is why our Lord commissioned His disciples to preach repentance for the forgiveness of sins!

If we want to know what taking place in the future of the world we live in today, all we need to do is look in the Book of Revelation.

Or we simply listen to the words of Jesus Himself who said, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away."
What we await is a new heaven and a new earth where there will be no disregard for the earth. There will be no more war. No ISIS. No terrorism. No abortion. No pornography. No adultery. No ‘so called’ same sex ‘marriage.’ No crooked politicians… No violence. No pain…None of this stuff! For the meek and humble shall inherit the earth.

The only thing that is going to save our souls from the death of this world is conversion of

heart. The only person who is going to bring healing to our souls is Our Lord Jesus Christ. But we must come to Him. We must be desperate for Him. We must beg Him for healing. When we come to Him with a humble and contrite heart, He is always there to help us.

Did you enjoy this sermon? There are more!  Climb Aboard the Ark of Our Salvation!