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Thursday, August 6, 2015
U.S. President Creates Bureau of Vital Fetal Organs
by Lawrence Fox
President Barack Obama’s sodomy promotion tour in Kenya, the White House
established the United States Bureau of Vital Fetal Organs.
did not approve the new bureau. In fact, the majority of Congress was not
informed about the matter, and still remains ignorant of its existence.
not punish our daughters with unwanted children and we won’t hurt medical research
by restricting their access to intact body parts,” the president was overhead
saying at a meeting with Planned Parenthood and Democrat members of Congress.
He did not use the word human or little person during this exchange since he
was already on record stating, “The question of when human life begins is above
my pay grade.”
working to establish the Bureau of Vital Fetal Organs, the president demonstrated
his ethical consistency on the science of abortion. Early in his first term, he issued an executive order, releasing a large unused line of “frozen
embryos” for medical research. Embryos’ released from frozen captivity have
been carefully injected into mice, rats, and hamsters for the purpose of seeking
a cure for AIDS, which unfortunately is still contracted by drug use and sodomy
-- activities which the President promotes around the world. Medical science should not be hampered by
religious and cultural biases, the president said while signing the executive
order creating the Bureau.
Senators and Representatives worked feverishly with the president while he was negotiating
with Dr. Bladder – a Planned Parenthood advisor - on the exchange of fetal body
parts for profit, it was reported anonymously.
Obama was mostly concerned with adding to his presidential legacy the creation
of one arching mechanism that would stimulate the U.S. economy, decrease
unemployment, decrease the human carbon footprint (the snap removal of little
feet from fetuses is quick and simple), and address Climate Change.
President reminded those present in the White House during the negotiations
that he promised to lower ocean levels as a result of his presidency. It seemed
the expeditious merging and promotion of capitalism, medical science, and
de-population under one umbrella would secure a Democrat victory in the next
Bladder advised the President that in the past federal laws protected millions
of women in America with access to safe, clean, sanitized, painless, and
private abortions. But now by allowing cadaverous witchdoctors at Planned
Cadaverous Witch Doctors from Planned Parenthood
Parenthood to alter and prolong the abortion procedure (i.e. making them less
safe), more intact fetal body mass would be available for a profit with each
this successfully, the amount of Saline, D&C and Vacuum procedures would have to be
reduced. Highly cruel methods of infant execution -- as used during a partial
birth abortion -- would need to be used more often. It was
anonymously reported that the option was proposed of not aborting the fetus,
but delivering it whole and alive and then immediately putting it in deep
freeze like a salmon netted and yanked out of the earth’s liquid uterus.
Bladder advised the President that the plan had one drawback. There existed a
shortage of specialized and intoxicated abortionists capable of performing the
task without reservation. The President was reminded that the Lutheran Deacon and
partial birth abortionist George Tiller was recently terminated at the OK
Corral and Kermit the Frog Gosnell was imprisoned because Attorney General Eric
Holder could not protect him. Kermit ran his little house of horrors for years
within property owned by Eric Holder’s wife.
anonymously reported that the President retorted, “We can certainly recruit
from among ISIS adherents since they have no difficulty with slicing heads,
arms and legs off of non-Muslim children. We have done our best to keep ISIS in
business only pretending to give a damn. Because of our open borders policy, we
have ready access to members of ISIS, who have snuck into the country. ”
Bladder told the President that there was a very small risk of the un-educated American
population finally learning that abortions are not performed on blobs of tissue
undifferentiated cells, but instead on tiny human fetuses with developing
and intact body parts including: heads, legs, arms, fingers, eyes, hearts, kidneys and livers. If that information got out, there would be some indignation among Republicans who would wage another war on women and seek to
stop the flow of millions of taxpayer dollars from the federal government to
reported anonymously that President Barack Hussein Obama considered the matter
for about ten seconds and reasoned, “If the altered abortion procedures advance
medical science and promote my legacy, then this Administration will continue
to shield the cadaverous witchdoctors of Planned Parenthood.”
then ended the meeting with Democrat members of Congress including: Representatives
Lipton Soup and Pepsi, Senators Bentover, Rheem, and Rover. The meeting had netted
all the talking points necessary in case things went sour.
Bladder, the President and the members of Congress retired for lunch together.
Munching on their salads, sipping wine, they discussed casually the value of
vital fetal organs and the color of the Lamborghinis they would soon receive
from Planned Parenthood.
didn’t know there was a video recording.