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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Denver Night Trolling

by Larry Fox

I was here in Denver, Colorado, trolling the radio waves, skipping across the stratosphere and I landed upon an East Coast radio station with the call letters “WBUL.”
It was about 2:00 AM - the twitching hour - when I caught the last seconds of a profit-making Milk of Magnesia commercial.
Radio: “And now we return to our irregularly scheduled programming, ‘THE MIME RADIO HOUR.’”
I picked up my beverage on the nightstand and peered down to see if there was an intoxicated worm at its nethermost.
Me: “Wow! I heard about this program but did not know it was for real!” 
I turned up the radio volume.  
Me: “I do not want to miss a single conversation.”
Scene 1:  “Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.”
Scene 2:  “Pause.”  
Scene 3: “Creeeeeek, scratch, slam.”
Scene 4: “Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.”
Scene 5: “Snap, slurppppp.”
Scene 6: “Pause.”  
Scene 7: “Belch.”
Scene 8: “Slap.”
Scene 9:  “Pause.”  

Me: Man! My imagination is whirling like a Twirling Dervish… “I know I figured out Scene 7. This is great! I wonder if there is a call-in number?”
Radio:  “And now for a few words from our sponsor.”
Radio: “Have you been struck while voyaging across the street, thinking the amber flashing hand was a challenge to take a walk on the wild side?”
Me: “Nah! Me, I run real quick.”
Radio: “Have you considered removing your garage door because -- for whatever reason -- it always seems down when you are backing out the Roadster?”
Me: “I don’t have a Roadster! ”
Radio: “Do you strain and twitch while reaching for the Charmin’ spooled to the right and four feet behind the privy?”
Me: “Don’t use Charmin. What’s a privy?”
Radio: “If you answered yes to any of the questions, you may have Mesothelioma Cancer as a result of working around asbestos. We at Dangler and Spangler Attorneys-at-Law are interested in helping you receive just compensation prior to your inimitable death. Call us now at 1-800-213-7425 or 1-800-bad-sick for a Medicaid-paid consultation and our colorful life expectancy time chart. You can be sure we at Dangler and Spangler Attorneys-at-Law are standing with you during this grave hour.”
Me: “Man, you had me worried there for a moment. I never  worked in a Chinese Bakery?”

Me: “Get done with these dumb commercials. I want to hear the ending.”

Intoxicated worm 

Did you enjoy this post? Lawrence Fox has written more humor pieces! Try U.S. President Creates Bureau of Vital Fetal Organs 

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