A FAIRY TALE OF CATEGORICAL PROPORTIONS

MARCH 29^th 2014 – NEWS FLASHES from Around the World

by Ace Reporter Lawrence Fox

Waiting to Meet with the Pope

POTUS and "Mr. Francis"

U.S. President Barack Obama -- while waiting to meet with Mr. Francis, the Bishop of Rome on March 27-- mused to himself the following (This is not a selfie portrait. It is a selfie conversation):

• That book on the Theology of the Body by Mr. John Paul II was so contorted. I mean the idea that God instituted marriage between a man and a woman as a reflection of God’s wisdom and inner divine diversity, total expression of self-giving, and complimentary fecundity is way too religious to grasp. 
• I could not find anywhere in that book the more accessible and non-integrative appetitive concepts such as class struggle, equal pay for doing nothing, excrement(al) pleasures, or undifferentiated cells emerging from nowhere in a woman’s body. I wonder how that happens to such poor women? 
• What is it about the Bishops of Rome talking about the recovery of Faith and Reason, and putting on the Mind of Christ? Would it not be easier to admit -- like most American Catholic and Democratic politicians -- that there is no truth, only power and envy as means of achieving political ends?
• Did not American Catholic prelates provide a Catholic funeral for a man who fiercely supported abortion on demand? I am speaking, of course, about Most Blessed Ted Kennedy. Yes, I canonized him by Executive Order #23453.
• What was that last book I received from Mr. Benedict XVI, Bishop of Rome? Oh yes, something to do with ethics. I know about Catholic ethics.  I was invited to speak about Catholic ethics and receive an award from Notre Dame University. I told them that faith fundamentally is doubt and that the populace in power determines ethics, while the role of religion is to pay (I mean pray) for the advancement of dead fetal colored people.  I finally closed the evening exclaiming that “IAM” from the great state of Kenya. 

Democratic Party Ponzi Scheme

Distressed Youth in the Movie "Hunger Games"

The White House needs Hollywood’s help to place subliminal messages in movie sequels to the Hunger Games. The White House would like the sequel to show youth – after enduring great pain – stopping and begging Social Leaders to let them go on-line and sign up for ObamaCare. 

The Democratic Party advocated the prevention of conception and the abortion of children for how many years? It is even enshrined in their Party Platform. And now after 40 years and 57 million dead babies, the same party needs young people to bail them out of the Obama Care Ponzi Scheme. The only way it works is to have more young people paying in than old people taking out. Of course, that is how all entitlement programs work but for more than 40 years, the DNC, Planned Parenthood and Hollywood have been pushing the unbridled decimation of the unborn. 

But today in a gesture of good will to the youth who survived the epitome of subjective self-will, the administration wants their healthy young bodies to participate in the scam of all scams.

And so the Kingpin of Lie and Doubt wants Hollywood to spin the next social disaster: a unified medical policy that is geared to the functional. The non-functional will soon enough be forced into becoming the ingredients for Soylent Green. Such is the name of a 1973 American science fiction film set in a future overpopulated world in which people survive on a food source called Soylent Green. In the end, shocked investigators find out that “Soylent Green is people!”

Leading a Nation One Hair Cut at a Time

North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un flaunts a new haircut and decree requiring all men cut their hair exactly in the same style as Kim Jong-un. In short, he demands emulation. His newly landscaped cranium began one morning in March. His pestilent palace was heavy laden under a morning mist -- the result of several nearby missiles launched towards the country of Japan.  

All things considered, TODAY was going to be a great day in the land north of the mongrel population located in the southern portion of the Korean peninsula, the Dictator thought.  In due form, he explains the events to reporters who inspirited the story with hairy results.

Kim Jong-un proceeded to deliver the following monologue:

•  After I get up and look in mirror…No, wait! I do not get up. I have three slaves pick me up out of bed and stand me before mirror in pink pestilent room. I look in mirror and say, “Mirror, mirror on the bamboo wall, who has best haircut of them all?”
•  I hear mirror say, “Obama has best haircut in the world.”
•     I get sooo mad at mirror and tell slaves to break damn ting.
• I fall down after they let me go. No get injured, but I find out mirror made in China.
• Very bad omen for North Korean leader to break precious Chinese mirror, especially during the Year of the Camel Cigarette.
• Slaves carry in and hang up new mirror – a gift from Iran -- with etching showing missiles pointing straight up President Obama’s @$$.
• Vice President Biden does not know that primitive warheads now sit on missiles sent to Iran from northern pestilent palace.
• Slaves pick me up and I get wonderful idea to rectify situation. I cut my hair both sides with right hand like Bruce Lee … “chop, chop” and now, I have best haircut.
• I ask mirror again, “Mirror, mirror on the bamboo wall, who has best haircut of them all?”
• Mirror very smart, sees broken pieces of reflective cousin on floor and then answers, “You, looking in the mirror, have best haircut in the world.”
• I am most proud of mirror and my haircut. I then notice three other reflections in the mirror with me.
• How did slaves get into mirror with me? To remedy the situation, I eat Chavez-cooked burritos and smoke Camel Cigarette. Then I have three slaves killed.