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Thursday, September 10, 2015

Denver Night Trolling

by Larry Fox

I was here in Denver, Colorado, trolling the radio waves, skipping across the stratosphere and I landed upon an East Coast radio station with the call letters “WBUL.”
It was about 2:00 AM - the twitching hour - when I caught the last seconds of a profit-making Milk of Magnesia commercial.
Radio: “And now we return to our irregularly scheduled programming, ‘THE MIME RADIO HOUR.’”
I picked up my beverage on the nightstand and peered down to see if there was an intoxicated worm at its nethermost.
Me: “Wow! I heard about this program but did not know it was for real!” 
I turned up the radio volume.  
Me: “I do not want to miss a single conversation.”
Radio:
Scene 1:  “Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.”
Scene 2:  “Pause.”  
Scene 3: “Creeeeeek, scratch, slam.”
Scene 4: “Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.”
Scene 5: “Snap, slurppppp.”
Scene 6: “Pause.”  
Scene 7: “Belch.”
Scene 8: “Slap.”
Scene 9:  “Pause.”  

Me: Man! My imagination is whirling like a Twirling Dervish… “I know I figured out Scene 7. This is great! I wonder if there is a call-in number?”
Radio:  “And now for a few words from our sponsor.”
Radio: “Have you been struck while voyaging across the street, thinking the amber flashing hand was a challenge to take a walk on the wild side?”
Me: “Nah! Me, I run real quick.”
Radio: “Have you considered removing your garage door because -- for whatever reason -- it always seems down when you are backing out the Roadster?”
Me: “I don’t have a Roadster! ”
Radio: “Do you strain and twitch while reaching for the Charmin’ spooled to the right and four feet behind the privy?”
Me: “Don’t use Charmin. What’s a privy?”
Radio: “If you answered yes to any of the questions, you may have Mesothelioma Cancer as a result of working around asbestos. We at Dangler and Spangler Attorneys-at-Law are interested in helping you receive just compensation prior to your inimitable death. Call us now at 1-800-213-7425 or 1-800-bad-sick for a Medicaid-paid consultation and our colorful life expectancy time chart. You can be sure we at Dangler and Spangler Attorneys-at-Law are standing with you during this grave hour.”
Me: “Man, you had me worried there for a moment. I never  worked in a Chinese Bakery?”

Me: “Get done with these dumb commercials. I want to hear the ending.”

Intoxicated worm 

Did you enjoy this post? Lawrence Fox has written more humor pieces! Try U.S. President Creates Bureau of Vital Fetal Organs 


Monday, September 7, 2015

Open Your Eyes and Ears: The World is Groaning for the Kingdom of God

Sermon by Rev. John Paul Shea
23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Aug. 30, 2015
Saints Peter and Paul Parish, Tucson, AZ

In today’s Gospel (Mark 7:31-37) we hear of the healing power of Jesus.
 
Jesus goes into the district of the Decapolis, which was a region of ten cities on the Sea of Galilee, and some people bring to Him a deaf man with a speech impediment. They begged Jesus to lay his hands on him. Our Lord takes the man away by himself and heals him. 

This was just one of His many healings recorded in the New Testament. Our Lord healed the deaf, the blind, and the lame. Our Lord laid his hands on the sick. He raised people from the dead. He healed leprosy, paralysis, physical deformities, hemorrhages. He exorcised demons.
 
These healings testify to the coming of the Kingdom of God in the Person of Jesus. Our Lord was able to perform these physical miracles because He is God. His power to heal physical and spiritual illness flowed from the throne of God through Our Lord’s physical touch into the body of those who were diseased, and they were healed.

Moreover, through His healing power, Our Lord fulfilled the prophecy of today’s first
reading from the prophet Isaiah 35:4-7a, who says,
“Be strong, fear not! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing.”

Now, let us remember that even now, God has and does bring about physical healings. There are thousands of major documented healings at  Lourdes, France, where Our Lady appeared in 1858 to a 14-year-old peasant girl, Bernadette Soubrious. We may have also heard accounts of healing in persons whom we know or may have experienced miracles of physical healing in our own lives.

But physical healings was not the main reason why Our Lord came into our world. He came to heal our souls.  

My brothers and sisters, Our Lord Jesus is the divine healer. He entered into our humanity in order to cure humanity of its sin and defects! Our Lord Jesus has given us His Church to bring us healing through the
sacraments for those who want to be healed until He comes again.


In today’s Gospel we hear that Our Lord puts His finger into the deaf man’s ears and touches the man’s tongue with His spit, and the man’s ears are immediately opened and his speech impediment was removed.

When our Lord heals the deaf man by putting
His finger into the man’s ears, He says the words, “Ephphatha!”— that is, “Be opened!” Our Lord is saying these words to each one of us also. In fact, when each of us was
baptized, the priest or deacon touched our ears and lips, praying that God would open our ears to hear His Word and our lips to proclaim God’s word. This prayer is a prayer of exorcism so that our mouth and ears can be purified of all that is not of God.


When Our Lord was about to heal the deaf man He looked up to heaven and groans. I think that we could all say that “groaning” is an expression of grief or physical distress. We all get tired or distressed and we groan at times. Yet, the groaning of our Lord in today’s Gospel emphasizes not simply His sadness for the distress of our fallen human nature which was being reflected in the person whom He was about to heal, but Our Lord’s groaning expresses a longing for the help of the Holy Spirit to renew creation in its entirety. Yet, it is not only Our Lord who groans in longing for God’s kingdom to be fulfilled on earth, but all of us long for this fulfillment in the renewal of our humanity.

My brothers and sisters, whether we recognize it or not, each one of us groans. We Have a longing for heaven, and we groan
because there is so much that holds us down from this true heavenly freedom that only God can give. We have a longing for the truth because only the Truth can set us free.


In fact, the entire world of today is in agony because it is being renewed, as Saint Paul said in his letter to the Romans, “all creation is groaning in labor pains… as we await for adoption, the redemption of our bodies." (Romans 8:22, 23) 

There is both a groaning because resistance against the kingdom of God coming into our midst; and a groaning for the longing of this Kingdom. Those who are resisting the kingdom of God are those who decide to live only for the flesh. They set their hearts on the false ideologies of the world. They are stuck
in their sins. Those who long for the coming of God’s kingdom open their eyes, ears, and hearts to the eternal healing God wants to give through His Son. They strive to live in the grace Our Lord offers.


My brothers and sisters, Our Lord Jesus is the Divine Healer. He was sent to set our hearts on eternity; not on this fallen world that we live today.

He has come to renew our hearts so that we can be part of the new heaven and new earth  where there will be no more agony, and no more sin! As we come together to receive our Lord in the Holy Eucharist today, let us ask ourselves, what are our impediments? Where do we need healing? What is holding us back from becoming all who God calls us to be? Let us bring these intentions to Our Lord so that He can give us strength and healing in this life and the gift of eternal life to come.

Did you enjoy this piece? Fr. Shea has written more. Who is Fr. John Paul Shea? From Mormon to Catholic Priest



Saturday, September 5, 2015

Worldwide Abortion Protest Reignites Ancient Battle

by Susan Fox

Decades ago, I had a dream.  I walked into a very special “grocery store.” The case of refrigerated milk was illuminated with red tinted lights that looked like burning candles in a church, and inside the refrigerator case was row after row of Blessed Virgin 
Mary milk! The ordinary milk cartons were labeled with sweet pictures of Our Lady holding the Infant Christ. Not only that, but there was churned butter with the same drawing on the label. Unknown to me, I was just introduced to the "Milk of the Apostles!" (Interesting Stories from Susan Fox)

It is a question of milk.

People are intrigued.

What has a pro-life protest got to do with satanists dumping milk over the heads of enslaved women at a Planned Parenthood protest in downtown Detroit?

On Aug. 22, 2015, more than 78,590 people demonstrated against Planned Parenthood at 354 locations in the U.S. and in six foreign countries -- the single largest protest day in the history of the pro-life movement. But in some places, the peaceful pro-life challenge was interrupted by some, who favored child murder instead of adoption. Thirty-six couples wait for every one baby who is adopted. 

There is no shortage of adoptive families; no reason to imagine that anyone is forced into motherhood because they can’t get an abortion. I write this now while Kentucky clerk Kim Davis is in jail for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples. Satan’s thinking has taken over the U.S. courts, medical establishments as well as many of our citizens.

In Detroit, the pro-abortion protestors were satanists. The Satanic Temple unveiled a one-ton bronze statue of goat-headed Baphomet on July 25 as a means of fund-raising for abortion. On Aug. 22, in front of the downtown Detroit Planned Parenthood, the same group – dressed as Catholic priests ---
Satanic pro-abortion protestors on Aug. 22 in front of the
 PlannedParenthood Clinic in downtown Detroit
dumped gallon after gallon of milk over two struggling women, while shouting “Hail satan!” It was a curse, but the intended message was that people who do not support abortion force women to give birth, and produce milk for the child (i.e. breast feed.) Nonsense, consider the number of people waiting to adopt a baby.

Unwittingly, the satanists resurrected an ancient struggle. Just when the Serpent in the Garden of Eden gloated, thinking he had destroyed God’s creation by causing Adam and Eve to sin, God snatches victory from his hands:  
“I will put enmity between you and the woman,
 your offspring and her offspring,
She will crush your head
and you will strike her heel.” 
(Gen 3:15)

Woman crushing the head of the Serpent
God tells us there is war between children, and a war about children. Some are children of the Serpent who tempted Adam and Eve, leading to the first original sin. Some are children of the Woman...and her Seed. And some are victims of abortion – these last are the child sacrifice demanded by the evil god Moloch, another face of the devil. For as Christ said, satan is a liar and a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44)

Image of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Ah, let us unpack these images. The Seed is Christ. The Woman is His Mother, Mary. She is a human being, a creature like you or I. He is True God and True Man.  He was not born out of “urge of the flesh, nor will of man, but of God himself.” (John 1:13) The power comes from the Seed, but the humble Virgin Mary shares Her Son’s battle with the snake that demands child sacrifice.  That’s why the pregnant Lady of Guadalupe was so immediately effective at ending Aztec human sacrifice by converting the Mexican people to her Son, Jesus, in 1531.

Some people have told me they think Catholics worship Mary. They went to a Catholic wedding and watched the bride and groom kneel at the feet of a statue of Mary, and they assumed the young couple was worshipping a goddess.

I always say, “How dare you judge us? If I went into your house and saw you kiss a picture of your grandmother, I would never assume that you were worshipping your grandmother!” In fact, the young couple was consecrating their marriage to Jesus through Mary. The Catholic Church teaches that all true devotion has Christ as its end. And anyone who makes Mary a goddess is an idolater.

Now comes the same person and asks how can we pray to Mary since she is not God, and Christ is the only Mediator. Well, my friend, if I ask you to pray for me, are you not participating in the One Mediation of Christ? Is He not permitting you to participate in His One Mediation? And if you can do it, why can’t His Mother?

But it is Big Intercession when it involves the Mother of God. For from the throne of the instrument of torture itself – the holy cross, Jesus said, “Behold your Mother!”  (John 19:27) And if you are so myopic as to think, “He was speaking to John! Not me,” ask yourself, do you not want to be Jesus’ beloved disciple? Are we all not Jesus’ beloved disciples, who love Him, stay near to Him, and witness to His Love?

Yes, Genesis prophesized that a cosmic struggle would ensue throughout history between the devil and his children, and Mary and her children – with the Firstborn among those children being Jesus Christ Himself!

Who are the children of Mary? They are those who live like good brothers and sisters to Christ. They keep His commandments and bear witness to His Life, according to Rev. 12:17 “And the
Revelation  12 
dragon was angry against the woman: and went to make war with the rest of her seed, who keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.”

A woman in the crowd cried out "Happy the womb that bore you and the breasts you sucked!” She spoke truly! But Jesus replied “Still happier those who hear the word of God and keep it.” (Luke 11:27-28) But both statements described the Mother of God. For at the Wedding Feast of Cana, she reminded us, “Do whatever He tells you.” I always respond, “Mother, help me to do just that.”

So the satanists threw down a gauntlet to the Christian pro-lifers in Detroit, and reminded them of the cosmic battle of Genesis 3:15. They used milk -- an image they perverted, an image they stole, for that image rightfully belongs to Christ and His Church. "Milk is a metaphor for the love that flows from one Person of the Trinity to the next, for the love that created the universe and maintains it in being.  And even as God created the universe from nothing, just so was He able to become incarnate of a Virgin and receive nourishment from her virginal breast," according to Medieval scholar Phoebe Wise. 

"As I mentioned  in my piece on Knock, the ancient and medieval Christians loved to meditate on the Virgin’s womb.  They saw it as the literal Gate of Heaven.  If Mary is the Mother of God, her womb is the portal through which God entered the world.  We must take her as our mother so that we may be born into heaven. Likewise, the ancient and Medieval Christians loved to meditate on the breasts of the Virgin, which nourished God-made-man.  Since they were steeped in scripture, all the passages about milk and breasts and nursing sprang to their minds and helped further their understanding of salvation history, and helped foster their love of the Holy Family," Wise added. 

On speaking of the vocation of virginity, fourth century bishop St. Ambrose identified Christ as the Virgin who was married to the Church. Mary’s Son is a Virgin! It was He who bore us, who fed us with the Virgin’s milk, and He of Whom we read, How great things has the virgin of Jerusalem done! The teats shall not fail from the rock, nor snow from Lebanon, nor the water which is borne by the strong wind.”

Ambrose comments, “Who is this virgin that is watered with the streams of the Trinity, from whose rock waters flow, whose teats fail not, and whose honey is poured forth? Now, according to the Apostle (St. Paul), the rock is Christ. (1Corinthians 10:4) Therefore, from Christ the teats fail not, nor brightness from God, nor the river from the Spirit. This is the Trinity, which waters their Church, the Father, Christ, and the Spirit.” St. Ambrose is using the image of the rock that followed the Israelites through the desert in the Exodus and provided them with water.

That is the Source of Mary’s milk, God Himself. Nuestra Señora de la Leche is
Shrine of Our Lady de la Leche in St. Augustine, Florida 
actually the first shrine dedicated to Our Blessed Mother in the United States. And it’s located in St. Augustine, Florida. It’s a devotion to Christ through the simple love of His Nursing Mother, a 4th Century tradition in the Church.

It is a devotion to the first nourishment that Our Lord Jesus Christ received in this world. We should all be grateful for that nourishment.  For we read “He came to his own domain and his own people did not accept him.” (John 1:11)

But on behalf of the whole human race, the Woman received Him. The Woman wrapped Him in swaddling clothes. The Woman kissed Him. And then she gave Him His first nourishment on this earth. Oh yes, disparage her role if you wish by misunderstanding Christ’s words “Still happier those who hear the word of God and keep it.”

But think on this. She heard the Word of God. She kept the Word of God. She kept it to such a degree that she conceived the Word of God in her womb! Has anyone else ever done that?

“She saw her Son in the crib of Bethlehem, and believed Him the Creator of the world...She heard Him weep, and believed Him the joy of Paradise. In fine, she saw, Him in death, despised and crucified, and, although faith wavered in others, Mary remained firm in the belief that He was God.” (Glories of Mary by Saint Alphonsus Liguori)

She stayed faithful even to the foot of the cross, the one place where all the apostles but John were afraid to stand.  And so Mary is rightly called the Terror of Demons. “Who is she who comes forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, and terrible (to satan and his followers) as an army in battle array?” (Legion of Mary prayers) Satan and his hoards are afraid of a little Jewish virgin who lived 2,000 years ago because they know the prophecy – She will crush your head! Mary wears army boots!

What is the means she uses for the Serpent’s destruction? Her humility. Does that seem odd to you? Think of St. Michael battling God’s Light Bearer Lucifer. We think in terms of armor and swords, but Michael -- a lowly archangel up against the greatest Seraphim God created -- won the battle with a simple question, “Who is like God?” That is what Michael’s name means.  And so satan and his hoards fell into the pits of hell through one angel’s humility.

How much more fearful to the demons is the humble Virgin Mother of Christ?

And so Mary’s heel has the power to crush all resistance to God. With her powerful intercession – her army boots -- every man is able to overcome his own stubborn intransigence. That’s why the Catholic Church teaches true (Christ-centered) devotion to Mary is a sure, easy and firm approach to Jesus Christ Himself.  

The “Milk of the Apostles” -- that is what St. Ambrose called the virgin’s milk. Like the Virgin Mary, Holy Mother Church is “ignorant of wedlock, a virgin, yet a mother of offspring. The Church bears

her children not by a human father but by the Holy Spirit. She bears us not with pain, but with the rejoicings of the angels. The Church, a virgin, feeds us, not with the milk of her body, but with the milk of the Apostles.” 

And that milk makes apostles, disciples, evangelists, catechists and martyrs strong. And so the Woman was also present at the Birth of the Church on Pentecost. Her powerful intercession brought her Holy Spouse on the Infant Church. Mary was an evangelist, being the only source from which the apostles could have learned of Christ’s Incarnation, Birth and Infancy. After the death of Christ, she was the only living witness to those details that appear in the Gospel of Luke.

Of the Blessed Virgin Mary, St. Ambrose says, “The first thing that inspires enthusiasm in learning is the greatness of the teacher. Who is greater than the Mother of God? Who is more glorious than the one whom Glory itself chose? Who is more chaste than the one who bore a body without contact with another body?”

“But how can this come about, since I am a virgin?” Mary asks the angel Gabriel, who brought the news that she would conceive and bear a Son, and name Him Jesus. (Luke 1:35) 

“‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you,’ the angel answered ‘and the power of the Most High will cover you with its shadow. And so the child will be holy and will be called Son of God.’” (Luke 1:35-36)

What is the Virgin’s response to God?  “Yes, yes, yes!”  “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38) With those words, she ushered in the salvation of the world.

Would that today men and women would respond with the same courage when they find themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy. The devil is a lying-thief stealing the lives of our very children from our nation’s arms.

"Human beings are meant to be a perfect union of body and soul, but the Fall caused us to feel alienated from Creation -- even and especially alienated from our own bodies. People, who are male, “identify” as female, and vice-versa, despite the evidence of their own bodies. I can remember being horrified by the changes of puberty in my body, and wishing to return to my child’s body. My grandmother was disgusted by the thought of breast feeding my mother, and she refused to do it, so my mother had nothing to eat for a few days, until my grandmother finally gave into my grandfather’s wishes and reluctantly nourished her child with the milk God had provided. When I was born, in 1951, most mothers in America had been convinced by heartless and ignorant doctors that breast feeding was hopelessly old-fashioned and primitive; they gave women shots to stop the flow of milk. I never tasted a drop of mother’s milk. When my daughter was born and I had difficulty nursing, my grandmother and mother both hounded me to give up on nursing and go to the "good old bottle.". They never understood why I wanted to breastfeed my children," Wise said, adding, "If even mothers can be so alienated from the raison d’être of their own body parts, namely their breasts, it is no wonder that women experience pregnancy as the growth of a parasite or invader inside them, and want that “alien” to be removed, i.e., aborted. The Fall, and its warping of the intellect and the will, have alienated us from our bodies, our sexuality, and our children. The unity of the family was Satan’s target in the Garden, because it is the image of the Holy Trinity." 

So many good families are waiting for a child to welcome into their home. No one need be forced into an abortion, nor forced into parenthood that they are not ready to accept. Every abortion clinic I’ve encountered had a pregnancy crisis center nearby where willing people stand ready to provide access to medical care, housing and help in finding a job.

Ultimately, the satanists pouring milk outside a Planned Parenthood facility on Aug. 22 remind us that Christ and His Church will triumph. The serpent will lie in wait for her heel, knowing in the end all his resistance will be crushed. The Virgin Christ, Son of a Virgin Mother, nourishes his people with the River of Life that proceeds from the throne of God and the Lamb (Rev. 22:1) God has the teat that never fails in whatever distress we find ourselves. And He gave us a Virgin Mother, who will feed us the same nourishment Her Son enjoyed. She will help us live the life of virtue so necessary for our own happiness.

And we must ask then, who are we? Who are we that the Mother of the Virgin Christ should come to us?

“But is Mary the Mother of Christ only? Nay, what is most joyful, she is not only the Mother of Christ, but also the Mother of all the faithful. St. Ambrose saith: ‘If Christ is the brother of all
believers, is not she, who brought forth Christ, the mother of all believers?’" (Mirror Of The Blessed Virgin Mary by Saint Bonaventure, 13th century) She is Mother of all the Faithful. She is Our Mother.

From Phoebe Wise: "I am sending you a link to a famous painting called the Virgin and Child before a fire screen.  The focal point of the  painting is Mary’s exposed nipple, which she is offering to the Child, but also to everyone who views the painting, since the nipple is pointing straight out, not toward the Child.  Little Jesus is also facing out to the world and almost waving, as if to say, 'Come, all of you, nurse with delight at her abundant breasts.  Drink the milk of my mother, and become my adopted brothers and sisters.'  Modern people probably find this notion shocking, or silly.  We have sexualized and objectified women’s breasts to the point that they no longer have any connotation of nourishment.  Few people nowadays can understand an exposed nipple as a metaphorical invitation to grow in holiness."

"There are so many things going on in this painting which a Medieval person would have understood instantly, but which are invisible to moderns.  I’ll mention just a few.  The Blessed Virgin Mary is seated before a roaring fire in the fireplace, but she is being shielded from its heat by a fire screen made of woven rushes.  The firescreen is behind her head and looks like a halo.  Just one bit of flame from the fire appears at the top, and it reminds one of the tongue of fire that rested on her head on the day of Pentecost.  The fire screen is a metaphor for the Blessed Virgin Mary.  The human flesh she gave to Jesus shields us from the heat of the infinite flame of love that is the Trinity, and gives us the ability to look upon it with human eyes.  Charity has always been depicted as a nursing mother, and Mary is the embodiment of this virtue -- Charity -- the greatest of virtues.  She gave Jesus flesh in her womb, and now she sustains Him with her milk.  What greater image of love exists on earth than the nursing mother?  But there is an even greater mystery here.  After raising her Child to maturity, Mary will witness His sacrifice on the cross, and then He will give us His Flesh to eat and Blood to drink.  We see all of this in the painting.   Mary is not only offering us her milk, her spiritual wisdom; she is offering us the Eucharist, the Flesh and Blood of her Son.  The book on her right reminds us of the Word made Flesh, and the chalice on her left reminds us of His Blood."  

"People have always understood milk as analogous to blood and somehow linked to it.  Scientists tell us the truth of this:  they call milk "white blood."  The breast miraculously takes in blood, strains out corpuscles and other components, and transforms it to milk.  Milk is a powerful metaphor, and more than a metaphor:  it is self-sacrifice, true charity, the gift of the self to the other.  The child whose mother lovingly pours out her milk for him experiences the irreplaceable gift of security and well-being; he feels himself at home in the heaven of his mother’s breasts," Wise continued.

"Our society has lost the ability to value the child in the womb, and to honor motherhood; no wonder it has also lost all respect for the breast and the mystery and beauty of a mother’s gift of milk to her child," she concluded.

Enjoy this piece? Maybe you'd like to read Confessions of a Scrupulous Devotee to Mary